Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
