I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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