he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
