You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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