My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
