Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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