Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
