she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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