My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
