I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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