You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
