I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
