i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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