two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
