I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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