Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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