I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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