if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize