I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
