I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
