get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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