he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
