i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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