ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
