My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
