420 ftw
she woke up with a sticky ear
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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