Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
