Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
