Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Randomize
