hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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