my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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