I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
