Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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