Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
