I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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