Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize