I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
