(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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