you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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