pop tarts are not kleenex
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
