My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
