would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
