The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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