He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
