just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
