your parents love me but you hate me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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