He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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