Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
