Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
