1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
