I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
