U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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