i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
