talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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