Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
