Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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