i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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