My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
