help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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