Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
