I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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