all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
