I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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