im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
worst night to have a conscience
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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