she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
