i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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