I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
