My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
