It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
