Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
