So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
