I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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