The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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