The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
