just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
