So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
